Sex, money, and time problems are the most frequently cited causes of relationship breakdown. Divorce or calling it quits typically occur from a mix of these and other circumstances.
The fact that more people are choosing to live together as opposed to getting married is partly responsible for the minor decline in the divorce rate over the past few years. Additionally, the "turnover rate" among cohabiting individuals is higher than that of married couples. Therefore, marriage remains the ideal partnership if you're seeking for something long-lasting.
Listed below are the top ten reasons why relationships fail. By becoming aware of the warning signs and making the necessary changes you will have a better chance of making it to "happily ever after."
10 Reasons Why Relationships Fail
1. No longer feel that Love
We are affected by a potent concoction of sex hormones when we first encounter someone we are drawn to. The initial "he/she is hot" feeling is first produced by a surge of testosterone and estrogen. The neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline are then released in greater quantities. Prepare for surges of the connection hormones vasopressin and oxytocin if that isn't enough.
What relevance does this have to the reasons partnerships fail, then? Basically, for 12 to 24 months, your hormones take over and you lose yourself in the "love feeling." Couples begin to see all of the minor flaws in their partner as soon as the hormone levels return to normal, which, regrettably, always does. It is possible for partners to start acting more like roommates or even rivals than like lovers.
Our "so happy" special someone suddenly appears to be the object of our apathy or resentment. We begin to blame one another for our needs, wants, and desires. We tend to stop making an effort to please one another and instead become more conscious of the needs we were never satisfied as children. This usually results in blaming, nagging, distance, and looking for other ways to satisfy our needs.
When this happens, your relationship will benefit from your understanding, wisdom, and commitment. You can raise your "love hormones" and regain that "Loving Feeling" by taking certain steps.
2. Poor Communication
Body language accounts for 55% of all communication. Therefore, those tensed muscles, pursed lips, elevated eyebrows, crossed arms, turned away body, avoiding eye contact, etc., speak volumes. Becoming more conscious of the signals you transmit to and receive from your spouse. 35 percent of communication is determined by the pitch, loudness, and speed of your voice. Your spouse can tell a lot by the extra pause you make before responding, the little change in voice pitch or volume, and "that tone." The words you actually use to speak to your partner account for just 10% of conversation.
To mirror, affirm, and empathize with your partner, you must first become aware of how you are connecting with them on all three levels. Relationships start to deteriorate when partners stop communicating, grow distant, or begin criticizing and abusing one another without ever finding a solution. Everyone wants to feel understood, that their words make sense, and that they have been heard.
3. Money-related Issues
Although not always in the ways that couples believe, money is important. Rule softly because there is some validity to the proverb "He with the Gold Rules." In relationships, money can lead to control issues, power battles, and resentment. The amount of money spent is frequently less important than understanding one another's attachments to and sentiments toward money, though.
And yes, our attitudes about money are universally powerful and even primordial. Therefore, if you are a saver and your partner is a spender, you could feel as though their spending is a personal attack. People frequently believe that their partner doesn't care about their sentiments, their desire for stability, or their need to enjoy life by getting that new car, clothing, or opulent fine dining experience, instead of comprehending that you and your partner may have quite different connections with money.
When a couple begins to omit purchases, keep them a secret from one another, or save money without their partners' knowledge, trouble is brewing. It becomes easier and easier over time to rationalize these minor acts of dishonesty, which will eventually erode the trust in your relationship. Couples should talk about and get to know each other's spending habits before making a budget that incorporates both spouses' preferences. We recommend that couples construct a main joint account that they both attribute money into for all the basics as well as mutual activities together.
Additionally, we advise having separate accounts for each couple so they may respect their financial needs.
4. Insufficient Time
That is, quality time. More and more couples are working longer hours, from home or while working from there, in the evenings and on weekends in this day and age of high tech communication. When presumably spending "quality time" together, couples frequently gripe that their partner spends too much time responding to emails, texting, and speaking with others.
The time we once spent with our partner is now prioritized over job, technology, or the addition of children to the marriage, depending on the cause. We spent a lot of time with and thought about our partner at first because they were our top priority. "Show me where you spend your time and money, and I'll tell you what is essential to you," goes the proverb. Without meaningful time together couples grow further and more away.
Make time for you relationship. Put fun activities for both of you at the top of your to-do list and engage in them frequently.
5. Sexual problems
Sex. Relationships suffer greatly from lack of it, a lack of it in quantity, a lack of it with someone else, or even a lack of it with something else, such as the internet. The ultimate truth is that a marriage without sex is a sign of more significant unsolved difficulties. You are not alone if your relationship is experiencing sexual difficulties; over 50% of couples report such challenges, and 15% of couples claim their relationships are sexless.
Most sexually problematic relationships eventually end in divorce. Therefore, it is crucial to stop avoiding this elephant in the room and talk to your partner about it, or get counseling if this feels too awkward, unless you want to be arguing about who gets the good china.
6. Getting Married Too Young
Divorce rates for women who marry before age 25 are twice as high as those for women who marry after that age. In general, older couples are more self-aware and know what they want out of life. Additionally, they tend to be more established in their employment and have superior communication skills.
If you are under 25 and you have found someone special, not everything is lost. As a pair, it's critical to face life's challenges and aspirations as they arise and make modifications to your marital bond.
7. Loss of Admiration and Respect
Relationships steadily deteriorate when partners cease praising one another and start behaving disrespectfully. The relationship will suffer long-lasting, if not permanent effects from hurtful comments, name-calling, and character attacks. Each harsh fight and cutting remark raises a wall of mistrust, resentment, and rage in the relationship, much like a wall that is constructed one brick at a time.
What remains for couples if they stop valuing and respecting one another? Everybody wants to be respected and admired, but when we aren't, we become distant and withdraw. Most couples end their relationships after years of verbal abuse. Couples must learn how to argue respectfully, expressing their emotions without berating or blaming the other person. It's critical to express your demands in a relationship and to pay attention to those of your spouse.
We frequently assume our partners' admirable qualities. Couples must constantly express their respect for one another and continue to admire one another.
8. Opposites Attract and Butt Heads
Yes, a lot of us initially find ourselves drawn to others that are unlike ourselves. If they have an exuberant, outgoing personality, we might love it if we are more reserved. However, this love and admiration for the differences may result in a frustrating misinterpretation of their character.
Sayings like, "Why can't they settle down and stop talking to everybody who would listen," may come to mind. If we are extroverted and free-spirited, we may at first adore their mature and responsible demeanor but subsequently feel restrained and defensive. Sadly, this first infatuation later creates the foundation for many of our relationship problems. Different moral standards and life philosophy swiftly cause defensiveness, rage, and a slow breakdown of the relationship.
Realize that this is what drew you to this person when you find yourself attracted to and finally falling in love with someone who is the complete opposite of you. It's critical to dig a little bit deeper. What does it imply if you are the life of the party if you are shy? What does having restrictions and structure imply if you are a free spirit? It's also crucial to consider these variations, understand they enrich your life by adding variety or balance, and show appreciation for them.
9. Poor Boundaries with Extended Family
There are several factors that can strain your relationship, including in-laws, siblings, stepchildren, ex-husbands, and your own children. To maintain a loving connection, you must be able to spend time together without the help of your other family members.
Maintaining respect for your partner requires you to support one other and present a united front rather than allowing your in-laws or kids to dominate your relationship. Numerous studies suggest that couples without children are happier, despite the fact that children are "bundles of joy." That is not to imply, however, that having kids is not a "fortunate gift." To put it another way, they make the relationship more stressful.
Your relationship will remain strong and robust if you establish limits for it, such as sticking up for your partner and deciding on the methods of punishment to be used with your kids or stepkids. The "happy bride and groom" are at the pinnacle of a pyramid that represents the best kinds of relationships.
10. Abuse of drugs and alcohol
One drink, one pill, or one cigarette at a time, these can ruin relationships. Any substance addiction will be a deterrent to real connection and romance. Unfortunately, the abuser loves the drug more than their partner does.
Resentment and rage become corrosive to the relationship and may be irreparable if the abuse persists and the sober partner stays. Setting the example for how other dynamics will play out in the relationship by standing by your partner when they engage in substance misuse. When one person is high, the two realities they are living in are never completely connected.
Respect for yourself and your relationship will be developed by requesting that your spouse get addiction treatment, setting boundaries, and defining timelines for recovery.
